Some life

Stop!
Don’t judge me yet.
I weep in words,
The tear-circus is out of town,
Its been too long.
And would you notice?
that,
I bleed for relief,
from patches of happiness and sorrow, and
search for darkness,
in this emotional de-light.

I believe in the fate that
has been constructed for me –
walls and closed doors,
and bewitched eyes.
Green is as green as that paint on the wall,
pain is as painful as eye can see and hear.
But wait,
don’t judge me yet!
To lose is one thing,
to give up is one thing,
being hopeless is another,
to die doesn’t matter… but …
To come to a world that –
greets you with expectations,
breeds you to be useful,
feeds you with emotions,
tames you with greed –
… and … To carve your own way
through this desert
and not leave a trace,
that would be some life!
Now!

ode of conduct

When the rain kept falling

when it should have stopped

flooding the fields

before the harvest

 

When the birds kept crawling

when they should have fought

for a flight – they were born for

for a sight, their spirits longed for.

 

when the men kept brawling

over reasons so stupid

and the children kept following

eyes closed – hypnotized by reasons unreal!

 

i packed my bag…

and sneaked out onto this path

through the backdoor of this stage

for it holds hopes for my dream,

and a boat for my escape!

take what you can

If you think that you already know,

      then its better if you go.

If you feel that i am angry,

      [don’t worry]

            i’ll never let my feelings show.

And,

if you’re trying to frustrate me,

      i’ll find a way to disagree!

talk sweet and use me

      but i’ll know when

            you’re trying to abuse me

                                                           stop once!

                                                         think twice!

And now,

if you’ve cleared your mind

and if,

you’re ready to receive,

i have,

this small advice to give:

 

Raise

           your voice if

                        your words seem to fade away.

Raise

            your eyes if

                        you get looked down upon.

Raise

            your hands when

                        someone needs help.

Raise

            your steps if

                        the ground underneath slides.

Raise

            your heart to

                        a point of self-respect.

Raise

            your mind against

                        this ever-burning rage!

serenity

we reach out for light

to find ourselves

in the darkness

 

we try to trap love

with a heart

that thinks evil

 

we try to care

with

possessive altercation

 

we reach out for peace

in the things

that take it away from us

 

and we think,

so much

that life is important

just for the sake of thinking

just for the sake of living

after death!

after death??

 

loss

one by one i tried,
taking out the pieces
that i had in my life,

one by one i watched
them leave,searching for more to
give me relief,

one by one, i peeled
them off,just to find out which
one hurt the most,

now running after them,
begging them to return,
now crying in pain,with my tears,
trying to heal my wounds…
i’m alone!
i flew above, so high,
i’m starting to miss the ground!

This endless sea

Deep into the dark, green forest

is an endless sea.

and standing in the middle , with my hands tied to the clouds

it is me!

Watching the waves that strike gently

into the rocks that laugh at me.

 

i wonder, wat is there

to evoke such thunderous laughter.

The breath sucking thirst, and the schorching heat

the vastness of life and not a soul to see!

The age old boat, with the skeleton of the thief .

They all look so well to me.

They all look so good to me!

And, the waves and the endless sea,

they seem to be at peace with me.

time

tick…tick…tick…tick… he races a clock on his mind. The sounds of the of the whistling wind kiss his ear… but its hard for him to notice. He is counting the rhythmic intervals on his mind- trying hard to equalize them with the actual seconds. He matches his footsteps with the ticks – slow steady steps. He’s been walking for the past fifteen minutes.

Today was a bad day. He doesn’t seem to know why… but he’d had this feeling from the time he awoke this morning. A heavy heart, an occupied mind. He had to hear a thing twice to understand it. So, with his friends annoyed, he just thought he’d better not ask anymore. He just laughed at the jokes, ie. if the others laughed – blankly.

Tick… tick… tick…tick… he matches his footsteps with the intervals on his mind. The road is empty, but still, he walks steadily… slow, steady steps. Looks like he’s floating. Hands in the pocket, shoulders a little stooped and eyes down on the road… he walks along… A car passes by, but he doesn’t seem to notice. The head lights reveal his square face, dark, long hair – uncombed, falling over his forehead, and strong long chin. He’s wearing a black jacket and jeans and an old converse shoes. The car passes by, but he keeps his head down… as if he’s walking in a dream.

He reaches a park now. Couples, walk around hand in hand, groups of college boys laughing and smoking cigarettes, and some policemen sitting on the benches – talking. Maybe they are too confident that nothing will happen in this silent night. They might be talking about the girls sitting in the cafe opposite the road – smiling at them.

The house he’s staying is just on the other side of the park. A place he’d rented two years ago. A single room on the ground floor and that’s all. He always had this feeling that someone would be waiting for him on that room but no one would be there. Today he’s in no hurry. There’s a path in the park, a shortcut, but he decides to go around it.

A little ahead, there’s a cafe where he comes for a smoke and a drink when he’s lonely. He decides to go there. Smiles at the owner – a wry, painful smile, and sits on the chair on the farthest corner – his favorite place. Tick…tick…tick…tick… the clock’s still running on his mind. He looks around – people are drinking, talking, smoking, laughing, smiling, waving hands, shouting. A tear runs down his cheeks and hangs on his chin. Tick… tick… tick… he’s still counting the intervals. Drip… drip… drip…drip… dark red fluid fall on the floor from his trousers. He can feel the wetness of his soaked shirt now. “Fucking junkies!!” – he breathes out these words before falling on the table.

purgation!

a curse that devil has put upon me
a path that has been shown to me
the brighter it gets, the lesser i see
the larger the crowd, the more i feel lonely

every heart i touch, turns into a rock
my words have lost, the power of comfort
i try to laugh, but i just get hurt
no i’m not complaining, not lamenting!
it’s just a way of life – that i’m used to living
the brighter it gets, the lesser i see
the larger the crowd, the more i feel lonely
the tighter the knots, the more i feel free
it’s not a crime, not a disease
just that – devil’s put a curse upon me.

yeah, the devil’s put a curse upon me
and it’s been so long since i’ve been singing
but no one seems to notice me
this ugly face of mine, is on display –
for you all to mock
and i can’t get a penny or a buck.
forever in this turmoil i am stuck
yes my friends,
the devil’s spit upon my luck
and every heart i touch, turns into a rock
my words don’t comfort – they hurt
i tried to walk, i tried to crawl
and every time i stood up i had to fall

no i’m not crying, not lamenting
its just a way of life that i’m used to living
the brighter it gets, the lesser i see
the tighter the knots, the more i feel free
call it my bad luck, call it irony
but i’ve been living life, on this debris
yes my friends, the devil’s put a curse upon me

i tried to walk, i tried to crawl
and every time i stood up i had to fall
but will it all end if i cease to fall?
will i be paralyzed if i choose not to crawl?
well i’m not so clever, but i’m not that dull
when there’s less to see, i see it all
the cowardice of women and men,
each one finds some other to blame
burning each day in this envious flame
[while i sit here,
dreaming,
every now and then,
of the touch of bliss that would wash me clean]

werewolf

Lights!
says the dusk
as it enters…
into the shadows of the sunlight.
The cold light might appear,
surrounded by sprinkles
of the glittering sand.
And when the wolves howl,
there will be another life
there will be another portrait
of our image,
running around –
Lifeless!

The night cries in delirium
for it cannot face this illusion
a blink …
agony turns into anger
and memory – lost forever!

bespeak

Fear not my child,
                       I want you to be strong.
Believe not my child,
                       What they say is wrong.
Live you should,
                       Await not the dawn.
Die you must,
                       The reason you were born!

Thus said the old man to his son.

reflection

i hear sounds
from below the ground,
the kings of past
are merrying around
the echoes of the deads,
loud and clear.
Is it so hard,
not to hear?

I wonder why,
why do we cry?
why can’t we run,
away from the sun?
Is it so hard
not to be sad?
To sing a song,
that’s already been sung?
Or.. to stop worrying,
and just get along?

you are not
the only one,
to walk…
or to fall down
one fine day
you will know
where you are, and
where to go…

some vague wishes

Wish we could surrender
to the voices, and
mix with the echoes

        Wish we could close
        our eyes, to the
        brightness of the shadows

Wish we could kill
our sorrows,
a plain, ungrateful murder

        Wish we could steal
        the morrow, and
        make up for the blunder

Wish we could cut
the rope, that
drags us to innocence

        Wish we could lie down
        with hope, for 
        riddance from these stains

Wish we could rise
from the ashes, 
and see a familiar face       

        Wish we could walk
        again, and
        fear not the disgrace