Cheers

The more you feel you are getting things for “free”, the weaker you get. I would like to work for what I deserve. The feeling that I have something that I don’t deserve makes me feel guilty. Of course i don’t want to work my ass off for everything in life, but for somethings, I feel I need to work hard. Otherwise, I will just use it and boast about it, and destroy it and feel bad at the end. and regret about it and try to figure out what went wrong. that’s how I pay . “TWICE”. So what is free is not free.I did work for it, you did work for it . Cheers to life !

Going through my old notes … this one touched me today:
Nothing comes for free

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One thought on “Cheers

  1. I feel touched by this note. Mostly because there is an echo there of some bits of myself that make me understand on some deeper levels these feelings expressed. I always get embarrassed when people help me, like I am being greedy or inappropriately cared for. I am left feeling like I have not done enough to earn such kindness. I have been taught to do these things without complaint or expectation of being saved. It’s weird to look at functional families and understand that they probably will never understand the stubbornness of people who will not accept helpful handouts. It isn’t pride..it’s training.

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