Twisted singularity

Hard wired in my brain:

Happiness is when you win.

But then I hate to win all the time –

Which is one way of saying that I’m lazy.

 

Happiness is when the people you love win…

 

If I listen to what you are going through,

I would rather work to make it right.

But i hate it when i have to listen to it all night!

I get no relief.

 

Relief is when people I don’t like have to get down on their knees

ask for forgiveness for all the things they have done

or at least not bother me.

So that i can relax and never fear being challenged again!

 

But then, when I want to get things right,

The conditions aren’t always right.

The situation fails me.

 

This is complicated!

 

Everything else is trouble!

 

Which appears to be the simpler.

 

So I keep myself troubled all the time.

Solitude by Ella Wheeler Wilcox

 

Laugh, and the world laughs with you;
Weep, and you weep alone.
For the sad old earth must borrow it’s mirth,
But has trouble enough of its own.
Sing, and the hills will answer;
Sigh, it is lost on the air.
The echoes bound to a joyful sound,
But shrink from voicing care.

Rejoice, and men will seek you;
Grieve, and they turn and go.
They want full measure of all your pleasure,
But they do not need your woe.
Be glad, and your friends are many;
Be sad, and you lose them all.
There are none to decline your nectared wine,
But alone you must drink life’s gall.

Feast, and your halls are crowded;
Fast, and the world goes by.
Succeed and give, and it helps you live,
But no man can help you die.
There is room in the halls of pleasure
For a long and lordly train,
But one by one we must all file on
Through the narrow aisles of pain.

A sudden surge of emotion

So much in my head
So much
and I don’t know what it is!

I’m always trying to escape.

So much thoughts
So much in my mind
and I can’t get anywhere!

I am trapped!

I can’t do anything.
Emotional distress!
My heart keeps running,
constant anger,
painful irritation!
My soul keeps crying.
My eyes keep burning.

Console myself
Control myself
Scold, scold
me, me, me!

That’s all there is!

This cage!

My emotions,
fighting against me.

And what do I do?

I fall prey
and then I pray.

To whom?
I don’t know
I don’t want to believe!

I do exist,
I’m flowing with time,
like a leaf, on a river.

If You Forget Me by Pablo Neruda

I like the creations of Pablo Neruda, he writes naturally, and truthfully. Like in this poem: at first read this might sound like he’s being selfish – “if you don’t love me, i won’t love you either”, and in the second read, it might sound like, he’s being lazy or he doesn’t know what he’s talking about. But, in the end, i came to realize that he’s being practical. This is the truth. Love needs support. If you love me, then i can love you. If you love starts fading away, i can try once, twice, thrice… to bring it back, but this can’t go on for long. After that, its not love… it’s regret, its pity, its anger, its frustration, its obsession, its sympathy, its everything else but love! This poem is straightforward. The poet doesn’t try to hide his emotions, even though they sound harsh. I like the tone with which the words speak out.

 

I want you to know
one thing.

You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine

                                                                – Pablo Neruda

i carry your heart with me by E. E. Cummings

If i can’t find a mood to write, I sit down and read. This is how I feel right now, a wonderful poem by E.E.Cummings.

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)