time

tick…tick…tick…tick… he races a clock on his mind. The sounds of the of the whistling wind kiss his ear… but its hard for him to notice. He is counting the rhythmic intervals on his mind- trying hard to equalize them with the actual seconds. He matches his footsteps with the ticks – slow steady steps. He’s been walking for the past fifteen minutes.

Today was a bad day. He doesn’t seem to know why… but he’d had this feeling from the time he awoke this morning. A heavy heart, an occupied mind. He had to hear a thing twice to understand it. So, with his friends annoyed, he just thought he’d better not ask anymore. He just laughed at the jokes, ie. if the others laughed – blankly.

Tick… tick… tick…tick… he matches his footsteps with the intervals on his mind. The road is empty, but still, he walks steadily… slow, steady steps. Looks like he’s floating. Hands in the pocket, shoulders a little stooped and eyes down on the road… he walks along… A car passes by, but he doesn’t seem to notice. The head lights reveal his square face, dark, long hair – uncombed, falling over his forehead, and strong long chin. He’s wearing a black jacket and jeans and an old converse shoes. The car passes by, but he keeps his head down… as if he’s walking in a dream.

He reaches a park now. Couples, walk around hand in hand, groups of college boys laughing and smoking cigarettes, and some policemen sitting on the benches – talking. Maybe they are too confident that nothing will happen in this silent night. They might be talking about the girls sitting in the cafe opposite the road – smiling at them.

The house he’s staying is just on the other side of the park. A place he’d rented two years ago. A single room on the ground floor and that’s all. He always had this feeling that someone would be waiting for him on that room but no one would be there. Today he’s in no hurry. There’s a path in the park, a shortcut, but he decides to go around it.

A little ahead, there’s a cafe where he comes for a smoke and a drink when he’s lonely. He decides to go there. Smiles at the owner – a wry, painful smile, and sits on the chair on the farthest corner – his favorite place. Tick…tick…tick…tick… the clock’s still running on his mind. He looks around – people are drinking, talking, smoking, laughing, smiling, waving hands, shouting. A tear runs down his cheeks and hangs on his chin. Tick… tick… tick… he’s still counting the intervals. Drip… drip… drip…drip… dark red fluid fall on the floor from his trousers. He can feel the wetness of his soaked shirt now. “Fucking junkies!!” – he breathes out these words before falling on the table.

that lonely girl

It feels so long,
since you’ve been gone
and i’m a lonesome soul

I tried to hide
tried to build a wall
around me

but you’ve set my soul free
and
it needs company

a sweet smile
a cupid glace
a friendly touch

that gives me
an excuse to be happy
and feel guilty

the guilt, that pushes me
away … yet
so close to you.

purgation!

a curse that devil has put upon me
a path that has been shown to me
the brighter it gets, the lesser i see
the larger the crowd, the more i feel lonely

every heart i touch, turns into a rock
my words have lost, the power of comfort
i try to laugh, but i just get hurt
no i’m not complaining, not lamenting!
it’s just a way of life – that i’m used to living
the brighter it gets, the lesser i see
the larger the crowd, the more i feel lonely
the tighter the knots, the more i feel free
it’s not a crime, not a disease
just that – devil’s put a curse upon me.

yeah, the devil’s put a curse upon me
and it’s been so long since i’ve been singing
but no one seems to notice me
this ugly face of mine, is on display –
for you all to mock
and i can’t get a penny or a buck.
forever in this turmoil i am stuck
yes my friends,
the devil’s spit upon my luck
and every heart i touch, turns into a rock
my words don’t comfort – they hurt
i tried to walk, i tried to crawl
and every time i stood up i had to fall

no i’m not crying, not lamenting
its just a way of life that i’m used to living
the brighter it gets, the lesser i see
the tighter the knots, the more i feel free
call it my bad luck, call it irony
but i’ve been living life, on this debris
yes my friends, the devil’s put a curse upon me

i tried to walk, i tried to crawl
and every time i stood up i had to fall
but will it all end if i cease to fall?
will i be paralyzed if i choose not to crawl?
well i’m not so clever, but i’m not that dull
when there’s less to see, i see it all
the cowardice of women and men,
each one finds some other to blame
burning each day in this envious flame
[while i sit here,
dreaming,
every now and then,
of the touch of bliss that would wash me clean]

a second chance – for the thousandth time (revised)

Just added the last two stanzas to the first one. 

The things i owned,
were broken down,
shattered to pieces,
and scattered around

and… those that didn’t break
were considered fake
carefully collected,
and tied to the stake

i see my heart
in the pile of trash
thumping the music
for the fiery feast

thump thump… there it goes
thump thump… a clever act
thump thump… a clever atone
after all, it is made of stone.

thump thump…a seductive dance
thumpy thump…into the trance
thump thump…it goes on –
the beating of the stone heart!

a thousand oaths,
and a thousand escaped clearance
and thump thump… it goes, again,
awaiting, the second chance!

a second chance – for the thousandth time

The things i owned
were broken down
shattered to pieces,
and scattered around

and… those that didn’t break
were considered fake
carefully collected,
and tied to the stake

i see my heart
in the pile of trash
thumping the music
for the fiery feast

thump thump… there it goes
thump thump… a clever act
thump thump… a clever atone
after all, it is made of stone.

asylum

Once again, I lost myself in your thoughts.
once again, i felt the pain that i bought.
once again, i seeked your soul in my heart…
to give me company,
to set me free!

Once again, i’m alone in this crowd,
but this loneliness is not what i’m talking about
it’s the load, in my heart
the burden, that is dragging me low
this feeling – that i might not follow,
the traces of your dreams
this uselessness – that i feel,
i’ve put myself in
I try to cry,
but the wicked tears,
hid themselves in the darkest corner,
with my soul.
I try to choke them out
but i guess, mine is a desert
a centuries old drought
growing the thorns,
that bleed me inside,
the cracks and the burns,
these are my pride.

so once again, i seek asylum in your heart,
once again, i crawl under your shadow,
once again, i think of you and imagine the rainbow,
and… once again, i feel the cool breeze blow…
i can see your face anew,
smiling, amongst the drops of dew.
[oh! thank you]