Awsiv – All we seek is vanity

This is the love letter in the movie: “Beyond Borders”… One of my personal favorites… 

I wonder - do we all know where we belong? And if we do, in our hearts, why do we so often do nothing about it? There must be more to this life, a purpose for us all, a place to belong. You were my home, i knew it from the moment I met you, that night, so many years ago…

Perhaps we are all refugees from something. But I see now there’s nothing to fear - that the world we hold on to, the lives we cherish are a part of something greater, something more. When I look at my children, I see it so clearly - that hope, that chance of life; and I know its worth fighting for…

I hope that when you’re reading this letter, that I’m sitting next to you and you’re telling me that I’m stupid for writing it and crazy for trying to find you! But how could I not? Its you… All this time, so many years apart – I’ve missed you! But I have never been without you. I’ve woken up with you every morning and gone to sleep with you every night. You’ve always been with me. Your courage, your smile, your damn stubbornness! There has never been any distance between us, and there never will be…

i see you in the horizon-
fading away,
a distant figure,
out of reach;
as i sit here on the road,
unable to breach,
this sea of disparity,
that life has put in front of me.

was it you who let me go?
or was it me – afraid to follow?

The pain in your tale-
I try hard to understand
but the words seem hide them well
was it you – trying not to show?
or is it me – afraid to swallow?

Fear not my child,
                       I want you to be strong.
Believe not my child,
                       What they say is wrong.
Live you should,
                       Await not the dawn.
Die you must,
                       The reason you were born!

Thus said the old man to his son.

Cruising about,
looking for prey,
the insects of night.
Do they know -
somewhere
in the darkness,
lies the incandescent death?
Waiting…
with the touch of bliss
to end their hunger!
Doubtful…
they can not know.

For those that are lost,
will never find their way.
Some moments remain,
before they hustle and fight
and throw themselves
into the ambushing pyre!

Tired of sitting all day,
i decide to go for a walk
It’s cold, it’s dark
i forgot to bring my gloves

Now i’m walking
with my hands in my pocket
If i fall down,
i’m sure,
i’ll land on my head

I see strangers,
walking all around,
not a face i know-
I feel relieved,
You must have noticed..
i just keep walking,
with my hands in my pocket…

The chill of the night,
and the dust on the road,
I get an itch,
and… damn, on my nose!
I tried to wipe it
off my shoulders, it won’t go
I breathe in hard
I breathe in slow..
But no sir.. it won’t go
desperate…
I rush to where the crowd is…

Many things have happened,
 but i walk…
                          careless… 
                                                    lost in thoughts…
                                                                                                 miles away 
from where i started
                                                                                                 I stop now,
                                                                        I feel lonely,
                                       deserted streets…
                      scary…

with no courage to walk myself home,
i take a bus instead…
nice and warm…
i think of taking my hands
out of my pocket…

I chose the wrong road
tried to be on my own
wanted to be different from you
wanted to be left alone

Wanted to be big,
tried to grow fast
dreamt of all the happiness
and love that would last

Did all those things
you’d hate me if you knew
but deep within me, now i’ve realized
there’s some part of you

I know you’ll help me decide
what’s right and what’s wrong
the hope you’ve given me
will always keep me strong

The good you’ve sowed in me
has helped me transform.
won’t let you down again,
I am proud to be your son!

looking for reasons… how are we designed?

What is life? A movie,
j                                 l
   u                        e
       s                e
          t   a    r
an unopened envelope,
a letter within its seal

But why is it that i feel,
the secrets of life,
I can never reveal?

i hear sounds
from below the ground,
the kings of past
are merrying around
the echoes of the deads,
loud and clear.
Is it so hard,
not to hear?

I wonder why,
why do we cry?
why can’t we run,
away from the sun?
Is it so hard
not to be sad?
To sing a song,
that’s already been sung?
Or.. to stop worrying,
and just get along?

you are not
the only one,
to walk…
or to fall down
one fine day
you will know
where you are, and
where to go…

A walk down the lane

Just a moment of madness,

Am still the same child

Wish we could surrender
to the voices, and
mix with the echoes

        Wish we could close
        our eyes, to the
        brightness of the shadows

Wish we could kill
our sorrows,
a plain, ungrateful murder

        Wish we could steal
        the morrow, and
        make up for the blunder

Wish we could cut
the rope, that
drags us to innocence

        Wish we could lie down
        with hope, for 
        riddance from these stains

Wish we could rise
from the ashes, 
and see a familiar face       

        Wish we could walk
        again, and
        fear not the disgrace 

An old man has just arrived the town
feeling lost, feeling down
he stops for a while, rests on the ground
and sings of the pain that he has found

lines of age carves his face
the tired mind has lost its grace
worn out by time, eroded by fate
he awaits patiently for his final bait

bones crackle, as he tries to get up
thinks of the vigour that he has lost
swears at life, curses his luck
and falls down, with a painful drop

[All those sweet memories of life
come to him and he sees the light
then he gets up with all his might
and takes off, for a eternal flight]

the man had just arrived the town
feeling lost and feeling down
now he lies there on the ground
did he take, with him, the painful sound?
or did he leave it here echoing around?
once again to torture us
lost again, to be found!!

i shall relive my thoughts when i’m alive

i shall repaint my dreams when i’m awake

but for now, i need to rest my friend,

i need some moments to rest on my grave.

The fire is starting again…

I was begging you to tell a story
I was telling you to tell me sorry
I was hoping you could help me bury
I was hoping you could help me bury … my soul!

I’m contemplating in my silence
i will talk to you tomorrow
i’m contemplating in my silence
I’m wasting myself of my sorrows … leave me alone!

In my dreams i am a stranger
Searching for my identity
in my dreams i’m shouting at the
shadows of my divinity .. come back to me!

i watched,
the fake tears of pretended innocence
i sensed,
the wild beating of a lonesome heart,
i said
come to me, and i heard you laugh.

an episode of undirected story-
left me wishing..
there is still more

the hangover of a sweet dream
like an addiction,
stays with me

traces remain,
hope, loneliness, dreams..
i can’t think clear.

you promished me beauty,
i lost my sight,
you promished me freedom,
where is the light?
tried to catch some fish,
in the tide..
and found you waiting
at the other side..

i understand your anger – your frustration,
those punctuations of satires
did i make a fool of myself?
this feeling of regret..
had i done the things i told i’d do?
had i not done things,i vowed not to?

so many people to judge me,
those eyes that want to see me turn into a genie
those voices that try to guide me,
to their past – a part of their time
that they wish they’d never missed..
loathsome selfishness!
can’t run away
from these chains of attachment,
a desire for freedom, i have..
but still,
i stay for the taste of a bit of love -
the potion for my aching heart,
a rest for my wandering mind…

this song’s been very close to my heart. describes my feelings so truely.. the feeling of weakness, the fear of failure.. turns us mute.. a strong feeling of retreating into seclusion comes into the mind.. we all need someone to talk to when we are down..jus listen to the song, the part when the guitar replies to the female voices..feels like the sound piercing in through your heart..that’s the cry of speechlessness..

Pink Floyd rocks!!

Dark clouds of vanity,
engulfing me slowly;
horizon of soberness,
constricting – stifling …
am i sane?
.
My vision of clarity,
blanketed -
by subtle obsession
i take a plunge [into the void]
am i lost?
.
Drowning in my sorrows,
i’d invited,
that rained on me [heavily];
my only desire…
escape!
.
This fodder of humanity,
i’d taken,
when i came in -
is choking me badly…
Help!!

can’t say good bye,
can’t look at those eyes,
everything is over with a wave of hands,
i try to hide instead,
can’t look at a departing face
i try to hide instead,
memories are taken away
moments are given away,
forgive me if you can.
this place is not for me,
i have to sneak away,
this place haunts me,
this emptiness of lost memories
i have to sneak away,
didn’t bid farewell to those who went away,
now i look at their face,
and they turn away,
i turn away..

i have to leave now,
and i look around to say goodbye,
it hurts to see,
just the shadows of unknown amberie
i have to sneak,
the faces i look at turn away,
i fail to recognize them,
and they dont bother smiling,
selfishnes?
no its just a change.
being awake is a lot harder,
i dream the evil,
the thought of awakening-
it brings with it all the burden..
with this night over now,
i have to go away,
the orange light of the morning sun,
yes, i await the dawn

i keep myself happy now,
i bring the devil of my dreams with me.
i hate to be smiled at.
if you cry, i will rejoice..
at the time of departure, i’ll smile
if you bleed, i will watch,
the color of the sublime fluid,
won’t let this emptiness hollow me
came here to fill my empty soul,
i’ll take anything-
pain if not relief,
sorrow if not hapiness,
hatred if not love…
no regrets..